What Moves You? January Editor's Letter
“That’s entirely it - I’m motivated by spite, you’re motivated by guilt, and you….shame?”
It began as a humorous conversation between myself and my partners, and we all laughed at the undercurrent of truth in my meant-to-be lighthearted joke. It’s obviously not entirely true, that everything I do is encouraged by a ball of spite churning in my stomach, but, I am frequently working with the intent to prove something to someone. Is not, to some degree, my entire existence just that? I grew up being told little girls behave this way, and out of spite I collected bugs in plastic containers, shirtless in the summer sun. I was then told you have to start doing these things to impress boys, and out of spite I got thick-rimmed granny glasses from a charity shop, and started wearing dagger collar shirts and mary-jane shoes with woollen tights, dressing only for the other disenfranchised girls (at the time) I’d found on tumblr and blogspot and had collected as my friends. I was told being gay meant a lifetime of promiscuity, a lack of security and love, no family - so out of spite I became my gayest and my happiest, building around me the most love, the most security and the biggest family I could. (There is a bit of promiscuity though I can’t lie but I kept that out of choice). I was told polyamory would only end in tears but here I am over a year later, no end in sight. I was told I couldn’t be non-binary and yet, I am. Spite is at the core of my existence, it is the core of many queer experiences - to exist as against what is expected, you have to push through with a little bit of spite.
2024 was a bit of a rough one for all of us. Everyone I know is struggling more than ever before - I don’t know many people who aren’t working multiple jobs or balancing their passions and side hustles in the short hours between 8-hour shifts. Even amongst all it was great for, all the experiences I did have that were life-altering - I’ve never started a year more confused, directionless, unsure and hopeless as I did 2025.
“Maybe it’s not about this grand, bigger picture that I’ve been working towards. Maybe I’d just be happier if I did things I enjoyed in the day to day,” I remarked over a tonic water at my local, catching up with my dear friend Sam. “I thought everything I did was pushing towards something. The idea of ‘making it.’ But maybe there is no such thing, and I’m striving for this impossible dream rather than actually living a life that makes me happy.” It was comforting to speak these thoughts aloud, and find that they were understood. Perhaps the latter half of your twenties is just like this - realising that you have to realign your dreams with reality.
This January, I’m entering the year with a clearer head. I want to use that spite I have, anger at a world that keeps getting harder to survive in, to push me towards finding happiness in the day-to-day. I want to find work that brings me stability and peace, rather than suffering for temporary highs. I want to use that spite against myself, prove to myself that I can be a more present friend and sustain relationships better than I previously have done. I want to show up for myself and consistently do what will bring me happiness out of sheer spite to the voice in the back of my mind that doesn’t think I’ve got the nerve. Why not do the same? Find what it is that drives you, whatever dark or ugly feeling that moves you. Repurpose it. Use it against those that want you to be held down.
Love, rage & spite, apparently -
Eerie x
You should totally submit your music to me for future playlists…or recommend me your favourite records new & old! I’d also love to share whole playlists too, especially if they accompany a photography submission or art submission.
All current playlists are available to listen to on Spotify here under public playlists!